by Ashley
(Maryland)
My name is Ashley. I am 16 years old and I need to find ways to cope with my apparent "daddy issues." Please bare with me and try to understand even though this is going to sound a little messed up. From the age of 12 I started to noticed men's eyes following me. I realized how good it felt to know they were looking at me and wanting me. I had always been a sort of string bean, but when I turned fourteen I got a very womanly body. Now, men look at me. Not just the dirty, devient looking ones, but the men who are standing with their wives and daughters. It is really making me lose faith in men. Will my husband look at teenage girls?
Now here is what I know I SHOULD feel bad about this, but I don't. I look at them, I give them "those eyes." I wear tight shirts. I walk down possibily dangerous streets because I know men will be there. I have even had sexual fantasies about my own father. I seem to only be attracted to men in their 30's and 40's.
I had to leave my abusive mother and father when I was 5. My mother had shot someone. I have only seen my father 3 times since then, and I saw my mom for the first time in ten years last year. She acted like she hated me and loved my brother so much more. She died a month later.
How do I deal with my actions and avoid chasing after men I can't have?