I dont know where to start but feeling like i'm coming to my end.

by sam
(kansas city ks)

So here I am in a marriage where im not sure if she loves me. She said she loves me, but puts me in a place where she doesn't trust me I think she brought it from a previous relationship. I told her I thought about commiting suicide and she said so That broke my heart trully I thought at least that would be a way to sit and talk. Now I consider it more. Sometimes I feel there is no life on this planet for me. She has a child who doesn't even consider me her dad her dad was barly there for her 4 yrs for me but im trying so hard to keep this family afloat I ruined my credit everything to keep a roof over our head how can I keep love in my heart...for myself how do I keep myself alive. I love her to death but I really feel like Im letting everyone down here. She is a good woman but neither one of us is perfect and im reminded of that I know she wants to divorce me I feel it comin Im so depressed I dont no what to do help me

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May 06, 2011
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Never Give Up
by: Lama

Hi Sam,

Sometimes we cannot be held responsible for the actions of our loved ones. If your wife has indeed got trust issues from a previous relationship then this is no reflection on you as a man and a husband. Hold on to your self worth and never measure your value based on other people's perceptions or the circumstances in your life. You must love yourself first independently of other people's behaviour towards you...otherwise any relationship will not be sustainable and you will drain yourself.

If we base our emotional security in other people's hands then we risk losing it when life throws a change our way. Whatever the outcome is in your marriage, you should retain your self worth, confidence and sense of purpose. It seems like your wife has issues she needs to address, do not hold yourself responsible if she is unwilling. My advice is to continue to love her, and provide a solid friendship. Do the things you did when you first got together, remind her why she loved you in the first place. If she is willing, seek marriage counselling. No marriage is without its problems, so don't feel isolated and don't condemn yourself.

You are in a stressful situation it seems, both financially and in your personal life. It is easy to be overwhelmed by all these factors which in turn makes it difficult to improve them. I suggest writing specific goals or areas in your marriage and finances that you would like to improve. Then think of possible courses of action/activities that could help you achieve these goals. You are in a battle with yourself here, so keep a healthy mindset, exercise regularly, and remind yourself that you were not born to give up. You are equipped to overcome any situation life throws at you, it might not be easy but I promise you it will be worth it.

I encourage you to reach out to others around you, a community support group, church etc. You don't have to face this on your own, but you do need to deal with it in a constructive way.

Remember you are not alone...

'The Lord says, I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you' Psalm 32:8

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