what to do?

by gavin
(uk)

Hi, I have been living with my partner for 7 years and been with him for 10.

He has a lot of friend and I have very few. which I'm fine about. However, I do not speak to my parents because of something that happened. He has started speaking to them and going round to their house, when I'm at work. He keeps on telling me that it does not interfere with "us time" but it does when my mother keeps on texting him and arranging days out with him, doing things he and I could have done together. Its really annoying me, and my partner just says "o we can go again next week"

The other problem is my friends at work. They asked to see him about 7 months ago, so we went out to the pub together, so he gets on with my work mates. Recently 1 of these workmates decided to belittle me on the shop floor. I was very angry so simply have not spoken to her since.

When my partner pops into work to speak to me she literally pole volts from whatever she is doing onto him. I'm sure she is trying to annoy me. I've asked my partner to stop coming into work but he just laughs it off.

It was her birthday the other week and she has asked everyone to the pub, except me, which was fine, I would not have gone anyway. Then I find on my partners phone this morning that he has been around to her house to give her a present a few days before her birthday.

I feel angry because my partner does not see that what he is doing is annoying me so much, I ask him not to do thing and he just says don't be silly. And does what he wants to do regardless.

I don't feel I am being silly.

At the moment I'm so angry.

I would leave him, however, when he's not going behind my back hes a really nice person and I love him.

What's your advice?

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Oct 27, 2008
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by: Cody

Hi there. A couple of things here, firstly I think it comes down to a issue if communication. Have you actually communicated to him how his actions make you feel or are you just assuming that he knows? If you are just assuming try approaching the subject directly.

Be careful here not to point fingers, don't say "YOU make me feel this way" or "if you loved me", you will only get hostility back. Take the responsibly for your own feeling, say something like "I understand that these are my feelings, but could you help me work through this?" You see the difference?

If you ask for his help you are more likely to get co-operation than if you say something like "you make me...". Even if you have talked to him directly, try again. If that doesn't work then you have a decision to make. If you can't encourage him to a place that is mutually beneficial then you have to accept him for what he is and understand that is how it is going to be, or leave.

If he can't show empathy towards your feelings, and he can't communicate, then things probably won't change, can you live with how they are is the question?

It's never going to be easy to leave a 10 year relationship, but write down on paper exactly what you want in a relationship, then see if he is ever going to provide that. If he isn't then leaving might be the best thing for both of you. We all deserve to get the kind of love that we want.

Good Luck with your situation.

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